I Caved
A crutch.
So I brought this infernal beast back from the dead. Keeping myself holed up in my room for the past week with a nasty case of some pulmonary virus has left millions of "loose ends tyin' a noose in the back of my mind."
Jason Lee and Beck are Scientologists. This bothers me. I don't really know why. I don't care about major celebrities and I especially don't care about their religious affiliations. Something about Scientology scares me.
I heard an Arcade Fire remix on 104.5 the last time I was in Toronto. I cried. Tears welled up in my eyes, I held them back but I knew what I felt. I've never legitimately got in on the ground floor of a band before so it's always special the first time. Funeral is a brilliant album, possibly my most listened to album of the past 12 months. Their live show, which I've been lucky enough to see twice, simply blew me away. And then I hear this bastardized version of Rebellion (Lies) on 104.5 and it depresses me. Something about remixing indie artists for commercial play scares me.
With no appetite and no scale nearby, I wonder how much weight I've lost in the past month since I've been sick. Am I below 150? Meaning I've dropped about 15 pounds since my peak weight of the summer. All that time spent at the gym, trying to eat better, wasted away since I haven't been able to eat for 28 days. Something about scurvy scares me.
I need a digital camera. I need to document my life here. The inanities, the stupidity, the occasional glimpses of beauty, the blight of the city across the river. Every picture tells a story. Well, at least they will to me. I'll post them and you'll think, "Wow, how pretentious is he to take a picture of that and to post it, thinking that we all care." Something about forgetting scares me.
What does the future hold for me? Who knows? I've spent 3 years here and I feel I haven't learned a thing. A year from now and I should probably have a job lined up, ready to start in January 2007. At which point, I'll be done my degree, hopefully and ready to move downtown, to follow in the footsteps of so many others. Almost everything will remain variable and I hope that those few constants that I'm banking on will still be around. You know who you are and how much you've done for me. In a constant struggle between give-and-take, I've taken too much and given absolutely nothing in return. Something about being selfish scares me.
Christmas is a month or so away. There's stuff I'd like. A record player to play all of the vinyl that's piling up in my room at home. A digital camera to document stuff. {That's all it is. Stuff} There's nothing that I need. Well, there are things. But those are the things that money is no help with. I should take all of that money and donate to a charity. There are more important things in the world than me accumulating another material possession, that'll just sit and gather dust. Something about people starving in the world scares me.
Everything scares me.
So I brought this infernal beast back from the dead. Keeping myself holed up in my room for the past week with a nasty case of some pulmonary virus has left millions of "loose ends tyin' a noose in the back of my mind."
Jason Lee and Beck are Scientologists. This bothers me. I don't really know why. I don't care about major celebrities and I especially don't care about their religious affiliations. Something about Scientology scares me.
I heard an Arcade Fire remix on 104.5 the last time I was in Toronto. I cried. Tears welled up in my eyes, I held them back but I knew what I felt. I've never legitimately got in on the ground floor of a band before so it's always special the first time. Funeral is a brilliant album, possibly my most listened to album of the past 12 months. Their live show, which I've been lucky enough to see twice, simply blew me away. And then I hear this bastardized version of Rebellion (Lies) on 104.5 and it depresses me. Something about remixing indie artists for commercial play scares me.
With no appetite and no scale nearby, I wonder how much weight I've lost in the past month since I've been sick. Am I below 150? Meaning I've dropped about 15 pounds since my peak weight of the summer. All that time spent at the gym, trying to eat better, wasted away since I haven't been able to eat for 28 days. Something about scurvy scares me.
I need a digital camera. I need to document my life here. The inanities, the stupidity, the occasional glimpses of beauty, the blight of the city across the river. Every picture tells a story. Well, at least they will to me. I'll post them and you'll think, "Wow, how pretentious is he to take a picture of that and to post it, thinking that we all care." Something about forgetting scares me.
What does the future hold for me? Who knows? I've spent 3 years here and I feel I haven't learned a thing. A year from now and I should probably have a job lined up, ready to start in January 2007. At which point, I'll be done my degree, hopefully and ready to move downtown, to follow in the footsteps of so many others. Almost everything will remain variable and I hope that those few constants that I'm banking on will still be around. You know who you are and how much you've done for me. In a constant struggle between give-and-take, I've taken too much and given absolutely nothing in return. Something about being selfish scares me.
Christmas is a month or so away. There's stuff I'd like. A record player to play all of the vinyl that's piling up in my room at home. A digital camera to document stuff. {That's all it is. Stuff} There's nothing that I need. Well, there are things. But those are the things that money is no help with. I should take all of that money and donate to a charity. There are more important things in the world than me accumulating another material possession, that'll just sit and gather dust. Something about people starving in the world scares me.
Everything scares me.
welcome back, diseased crutchman.
Posted by
Albert |
11:24 PM