He's Like A Detuned Radio

I went for a wander just now. I wouldn't call it a walk since I think walks usually have a path and a set destination. This just involved me walking around and trying to gather my thoughts and hopefully some motivation to study for my exam tomorrow.

My computer is dead...power supply or the battery? I don't think computers actually have batteries. I get it to stay on for about five minutes and sort of shuts down into this stand-by mode that seems like computer purgatory. The computer that I got first year, first week dies a week before I scheduled to leave. Funny, how that works out. So I'm stuck here in the computer centre writing this and trying to read the plethora of pdfs posted to our course website for the exam tomorrow. But it's just like Windsor to be closing the computer centre at 8:00 because no one ever needs computers during exams. So the 97 page documents on corporate environmental reporting and other mundane minutiae of the corporate life will have to wait. I might just act like I read and bullshit whatever may come up. I mean that's all these reports really are, a layer of facts smeared in shit to mask the actual facts.

I don't think anyone every expects perfection. Normal will do, 100% of the time. The ability to function properly in a social setting, to make yourself pleasant to be around, to be able to talk to someone for five minutes and have them not want to slap you in the face and say, "God, what the hell is wrong with you?", it occurs in such a low concentration that it must be a defect. I better watch out for myself.

A month ago when I was stressed about Capstone report, I thought about how great it would be to just go out and get plastered. To feel that over-riding burden lifted off my back. That didn't really work once the night was over, the strain returned without much of a weight. You can't just try to escape it for one night because it'll still be there the day after. The best that I can ultimately do is cope with, find something that allows me to function normally. One of these things is music, Feist does a pretty good job of mellowing me out especially while studying/working. The other, well that's a whole other post entirely that I'm not quite ready to write yet. In fact, some stories just work better in person with beer than via this.

Scratch one...with another two to follow before I even know what's hit me. That's mainly because I've been totally out of it for a number of reasons. One of the main ones is that the these classes are boring as hell and don't hold any interest for me. Time to vent some steam:

Environmental Effects/Control of Noise
(Sometimes interesting but stupid question-asking Mechanicals and asshole prof equals BAD TIMES!!! However asshole prof divorcing wife/sleeping with the TA/engaging TA/traveling the world with TA on the school's budget equals SCANDAL!!!)

Capstone Design Project
(ugh...no need to relive this)

Environmental Assessment
(Bullshit, it's all bullshit. It's conceivable I could end up with an A without having learned anything by bullshitting everything off the top of my head.)

Solid Waste Management
(Dealing with garbage is as much fun as picking through it when it's rife with broken syringes. I can't think of anything redeeming from this class at all.)

Water and Wastewater Treatment
(Mumbly joe goes on for two hours a week. And it's boring as puritanical sex.)

Engineering and Society
(Are Windsor's Engineers really this stupid? It's frightening. Can we raise the admission standards just a bit? Maybe change the nickname to "Not Your Last Chance But Do You Really Want To Live in Thunder Bay?")

The job I've been looking at has been reposted again today still with two available positions. Assuming it's still there in two weeks, I've sending in the business.

It's funny how people think my life is planned out for me since I'm going to graduate from an engineering program. Fuck, I've no clue what I'm doing, everything is by the seat of my pants. It's just the way I am. A proactive person would've probably already contacted said company and expressed an interest and explained why they're unavailable for an interview now but will be in two weeks.

Like I've ever been proactive about anything in my entire life.

I had a totally Ghost World experience today walking to the grocery store. On the billboard for a local bar, in addition to saying "3 Dollar Brown Bottle Beers Tuesday and Thursday" (Windsor recognizes the value of a deal), it said "Reggae Sunday Night". Reggae? Are you kidding me?

"You guys up for some reggae tonight?"

I don't normally get jealous of people and their possessions usually its something a little less physical. However, last night I was totally jonesing for an iron ring. I really didn't think it was going to hit me that hard, but damn it, I wanted one too. Oh well, c'est la vie. Still didn't stop me from having an absolute sweet time; catching up with people from first year, tailgating by the river and toasting to only the classiest thing. Nothing perverse, I promise you that.

So I sat down here tonight with the intention of writing a rather lengthy post about honesty. Not brutal honesty, the kind that leads to hurt feelings and ruined relationships but the kind that we seem to overlook. At what point did we become so sensitive that even constructive criticism in a casual atmosphere has become unwelcome as it is felt to be inappropriate. Or are we all inherently stubborn to the point that any outside advice is discarded.

It's been decided the 50% of the time I'm sarcastic, 40% I'm lying and 10% I'm being honest. Not the first and last are mutually exclusive, I suppose there is such a thing as sarcastic honesty.

Anyways, on to other thoughts...the semester is done. No more assignments, only exams to look forward to. Iron ring dinner tomorrow night, i.e. getting wrecked on a Thursday. 'Tis a shame that I won't be getting my ring but that's life and I don't mind waiting until March to get it with the Bag and Tops. (How inside is the latter?)

Now that it's all over, I've pretty sure I managed to avoid any symptoms of 'senioritis' and any drop in marks this semester can be attributed to other things this semester. Besides last semester was my second highest average so far. So I done good.

Strokes and Kid Koala added to the Virgin Festival. As if I wasn't excited enough, now things are building to an orgasmic explosion of rock and/or roll. Plans to crash on Hanlan's Point no longer seem to be feasible. Oh well, what seemed so simple in the moonlight.

As Min Min said, it's been ten years since the infamous Mexico trip resulting in my only broken bone. Now that seems like a lifetime ago.

Scarborough's Best Magazine
A Sweet Illusion
Stupid Math Shit (Only half of these are funny. I'd go with number 3, 4 and 6.)

Positive thinking for today, S.V.P. Merci.

So capstone presentations were today. While things didn't go poorly, it's just one of those things that you never want to think about again. It's in the past and so are the ridiculous group meetings and everything else that this project entailed.

The thought of coming home for good in three weeks is an absolutely bizarre feeling. To think that it was four years and two days ago that I found out from Queen's that I wasn't getting in is absolutely insane. And the cross-province road trip that happened in the following weeks. Packages from Thunder Bay, North Bay and Ottawa coming daily. Where did these four years go?

To be brutally honest, I'm not going to miss Windsor. I'll miss the people, that's for sure. But this isn't for me. I live steps away from the university and there isn't a coffee shop within any reasonable walking distance. It's a Friday night and I'm sitting around, doing some work, thinking it'd be nice to go out and get a cup of tea. There's a real lack of places to go and chat, especially when I'm popping pills that prevent any alcohol intake. Where do all the English students go?

Speaking of lost time, where have the past two years gone? Funny how one decision can change your life forever. Still a hell of a show to miss but worth it.

For now, it'll just be nice to be home tomorrow afternoon for a couple of days.

I was going to finish writing my lab report before writing this post but Zohair's comment forced the change in plan.

So it's a small tear of my left lateral deltoid. Since being prescribed anti-inflammatory medication, the swelling in the area has gone down a lot and my shoulder doesn't look like its dislocated anymore. When the medication begins to wear off, it still really hurts. And when it says to take pills with food, it means with food, not an hour afterwatds. Messed up my innards last night that medication did. Even today I haven't been reacting that well to the pills, two of the five common side effects I'm suffering from:

* abdominal or stomach cramps, pain, or discomfort (mild to moderate)
* dizziness, drowsiness, or lightheadedness

It's really difficult to do any meaningful work when I've got that second side effect going on. Not that the heat is helping either.

Obviously, there's still discomfort and I've been told 1-2 weeks of no physical activity and 2-4 weeks of light activity. Physiotheraphy has been recommended but to be honest, I just don't have the for it over the next three weeks. Reports, presentation and exams already threaten to swamp me. So no more softball, golf or go-karting anytime soon. That's alright, I've got Worms Armageddon to kill time with now.